August 21, 2002  ·  Lessig

This just in from Gary Murphy. Now we just need some tunes, and then we’ll have a movement…

From: Gary Murphy
Subject: I had a little agent

In his OSCON address free culture defender Lawrence Lessig laments that he’d like to write a song to help his cause, but he can’t —

I Had A Little Agent
————————
(words by Gary Murphy)

I had a little agent, my agent pleased me.
I fed my agent from the Greenback Tree.
And my little agent did diddily-squat
did diddily did diddily did diddily-squat

I had some musicians, my musicians pleased me.
I fed my musicians from the Greenback Tree.
And my musicians went “like, when’ll we get paid man?”
And my little agent did diddily-squat
did diddily did diddily did diddily-squat

I signed up with SOCAN (or BMI or ASCAP or whatever)
and SOCAN signed me,
I fed my SOCAN from the Greenback Tree
And my little SOCAN said [ whining ] “we got so much /overhead/!”
And my musicians went “like, when’ll we get paid man?”
And my little agent did diddily-squat
did diddily did diddily did diddily-squat

I got a little venue, my venue pleased me
I paid for my venue from the Greenback Tree.
And my little venue went [ with authority ] “you’re too friggin loud”
And my little SOCAN said [ whining ] “we got so much overhead!”
And my musicians went “like, when’ll we get paid man?”
And my little agent did diddily-squat
did diddily did diddily did diddily-squat

I found a producer my producer pleased me
I fed my producer from the Greenback Tree
And my little producer said “do you think you could make it more
peppy, and it doesn’t always rhyme, and some of your lines are way too long”
And my little venue went [ with authority ] “you’re too friggin loud”
And my little SOCAN said [ whining ] “we got so much overhead!”
And my musicians went “like, when’ll we get paid man?”
And my little agent did diddily-squat
did diddily did diddily did diddily-squat

I signed with a label and my label pleased me
I fed my label from the Greenback Tree
And my little label said “you’re just not moving the units!”
(alt “there’s just no interest in that sort of thing anymore”)
And my little producer said “do you think you could make it more
peppy, and it doesn’t rhyme and some of your lines are way too long”
And my little venue went [ with authority ] “you’re too friggin loud”
And my little SOCAN said [ whining ] “we got so much overhead!”
And my musicians went “like, when’ll we get paid man?”
And my little agent did diddily-squat
did diddily did diddily did diddily-squat

I cut a little CD and the CD pleased me
I paid for my CD from the Greenback Tree
And my little CD went — [ dead stop silence ]
And my little label said “you’re just not moving the units!”
(alt “there’s just no interest in that sort of thing anymore”)
And my little producer said “do you think you could make it more
peppy, and it doesn’t rhyme and some of your lines are way too long”
And my little venue went [ with authority ] “you’re too friggin loud”
And my little SOCAN said [ whining ] “we got so much overhead!”
And my musicians went “like, when’ll we get paid man?”
And my little agent did diddily-squat
did diddily did diddily did diddily-squat

I got a little website, my website pleased me
I paid for my website from the Greenback Tree
And our little website goes “MORE M-P-THREES!!!”
And our little CD went — [ dead stop silence ]
And my little label said “you’re just not moving the units!”
(alt “there’s just no interest in that sort of thing anymore”)
And my little producer said “do you think you could make it more
peppy, and it doesn’t rhyme and some of your lines are way too long”
And my little venue went [ with authority ] “you’re too friggin loud”
And my little SOCAN said [ whining ] “we got so much overhead!”
And my musicians went “like, when’ll we get paid man?”
And my little agent did diddily-squat
did diddily did diddily did diddily-squat

I got me some fans and my fans please me
I fed my fans with Oggs and M-P-threes
And my beautiful fans [ slow to angelic crecendo ] send greenbacks to me —-

[ take a deep breath ]

Now I got greenbacks, my greenbacks please me
I keep my greenbacks in the Greenback tree
and all my greenbacks say “my – fans – like – me”
[ whistle, presumably to the bank ]
And our little website goes “MORE M-P-THREES!!!” (and Oggs!)
And our little CD went — [ dead stop silence ]
And my little label said “you’re just not moving the units!”
(alt “there’s just no interest in that sort of thing anymore”)
And my little producer said “do you think you could make it more
peppy, and it doesn’t rhyme and some of your lines are way too long”
And my little venue went [ with authority ] “you’re too friggin loud”
And my little SOCAN said [ whining ] “we got so much overhead!”
And my musicians went “like, when’ll we get paid man?”
And my little agent did diddily-squat … [ big finish ]
DID diddily DID diddily DID DID-dily … squat

(Thanks, Gary. And especially for this: He writes “Being of sound body and as sound a mind as ever, I hearby release this song (the lyrics anyway) to the Public Domain as requested by the Creative Commons. Remember if you like, but I won’t die if you don’t.”

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